“The happiness of your life depends upon the quality of your thoughts.” So said Marcus Aurelius. Let’s unpack that a little more.
The inimitable Bob Dylan reminding me that words still light me up – and no one can take that away from me.
Ever heard of the circles of control and influence? Ancient Stoic philosophers (including ol’ Marcus) believed that we can live more peaceful and fulfilling lives if we focus our attention and energy on what we can control. Let’s imagine a circle, a full Jaffa cake if you please. See, the delicious orangey bit is your circle of control. This includes your thoughts, emotions and interpretations, as well as your reactions and actions. With me so far?
What’s on the rim of your Jaffa cake then? Well, you guessed it, it’s stuff you can’t control – the teeth attacking the edges – also known as the circle of concern. Where you were born, who your parents are and how they treated you, the economy, the media, the government, redundancies, war, illnesses, accidents, deaths … the weather. Traffic. Other people’s actions, feelings, and opinions of us. The shit we shouldn’t spend a penny of personal energy worrying about.
That doesn’t mean we stop caring about the things that are in the circle of concern. It just means we stop kidding ourselves about our ability to change them. Because, accepting that we simply can’t control some things can be profoundly liberating. It can help us let go of anxiety and stress and focus on the things we can change.
Last bit about circles, honest. At the point where inner jam meets outer edge – the middle of what you can and can’t control – is what’s known as the circle of influence. What you place in your circle of influence also depends on how optimistic or how pessimistic you are and your levels of self-belief. This is your power place, where you take the best stuff from your circle of control and push it into influencing change.
Because some of the things we do in the circle of control radiate outward. They have consequences for us and those around us. The way we behave and show up impacts others and our projects. They can positively or negatively affect certain situations and outcomes (and so expand or reduce our circle of influence). The choice is ours.
We can’t control when we get ill, but we can choose to eat well, get enough sleep and exercise to prevent it.
Which brings me onto my point.
Did you know that, in prisons, 96 per cent of resources go into systems and processes, leaving a measly four per cent diverted to outcomes? Outcomes like prisoner reform. Outcomes like drug rehabilitation, when a huge cause of arrests and subsequent jail time is petty crime driven by drug abuse. Outcomes like trying to reduce recidivism (how to help people who get out of jail to stay out of jail).
Family involvement, mental and physical health, lack of control over impulses, and whether a person is sorry for their crimes make a difference to that outcome, of course they do. That is wholly out of our circle of control (but in theirs).
And then there are the big things, such as how people come out of prison. Returning someone to the same environment, failing to give them tools to think differently and succeed, and not providing opportunities creates a much greater chance of a person resorting to criminal behaviour again. That sounds like it’s in our circle of concern, but not totally in our circle of control.
But, I promise, it’s in our circle of influence. I spoke to someone I’ve known for a number of years this week. He’s a partner at a law firm. I know, I know. Lawyers. They’ve got a bad rep. We think lawyers are just out to get rich – and it’s a fair assumption. But remember what they studied and believed in. Most of them went into the practice with big ideas about how they could influence a fairer society.
Well. This chap is young enough that his kids are heading out into the world. Not crusty. Not at the point where nothing matters. He’s in legacy-laying mode. But that’s just the right combination for a pure magic conversation. He doesn’t really care what he says any more, he’s candid while knowing that these days, his firm is profit-focused, so really, his opinions about whether that’s right or wrong aren’t welcome.
And yet. He goes for it. He talks about why purpose matters – it’s to build better businesses that employ happy people who want to make a difference and build a better society. About how we need a good working life, not just work-life balance. Authenticity. Giving power to your people so you can set them up to fly. How success is not about money, it’s about the difference you make to people and society.
He got angry. He got choked. He was an actual, honest-to-goodness John Keating from Dead Poet’s Society. And it worked, it was transcendent. I’d have gone to the trenches for him. O Captain, my Captain.
He made me believe that maybe, just maybe, I have some influence over the Four Per Cent Club in our prison systems. Maybe my work to shape purpose, evoke emotion and empower employee voices in businesses beyond my own could actually create better outcomes to create a better world of work that, in turn, creates a better world.
In all honesty, it’s been a shit start to the year. My relationship breaking down led me to feelings of little self-belief. Remember what I said about the circle of influence? And how what you place in it also depends on how optimistic or how pessimistic you are and your levels of self-belief. That’s down to me. (And you.)
So instead of sitting here feeling utterly fucking pissed off about how hard I’ve tried in the last year – inside and outside work (and still ended up sad, single and in my own Four Per Cent Club) – I’m going to use my circles, figure out what’s in my influence and go after that. Let’s see if I can get better odds on those outcomes.
Because the happiness in my life depends on the quality of my thoughts – and I’m not going to waste another inch of them on the things I can’t control. Maybe this is me, trying to give you the tools to succeed, too. Packed in around a smidge of naval-gazing and some Jaffa cakes.
Powerful stuff. And thought-provoking. Keep influencing, you fabulous human being.